The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .

But when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, try here but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard a fantastic read the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for reference the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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